Karrnal: Stepford Dads & Lads
by John F. Karr
It's funny the way a couple reviewers I've read think there's something taboo about gay twins making out with each other. Beside the fact that I think that sounds hot, and firmly believe that all gay twins do it, it's not like they're going to give birth to pinheads. Two guys foolin' around is just two guys foolin' around.
I guess Joe Gage would find twinsex old hat, since he's upped the ante on unsanctioned sex by making his new movie about father/son incest. He keeps the proceedings so lowkey it hardly seem transgressive, but, what the hey, it's incest whether trumpeted high or low. You think he'd want to play it up a bit. I mean, aren't chills and spills the reason for breaking a taboo? Yet the transgression of Dad Gets Into Trouble provides more familial warmth than shocking sex.
Perhaps taking into account his underplayed hand, Gage further stretches social strictures by making one of those incestuous fathers a clergyman. He then spices things up even more by ensuring most every orgasm in the movie targets a tonsil or tongue.
The movie's third in a successful series of intergenerational sex flicks that includes Dad Takes a Fishing Trip , and Dad Goes to College. Like them, it stars Allen Silver as the primary Dad. Will there be a fourth installment? How about depicting Dad's punishment for his son-screwing, Dad Gets Thrown in the Clink (a communal holding cell would be just the setting for a Joe Cage movie). And since the Reverend in this one is played by Brendon Cage (curiously billed as Michael Anthony), whose cock I adore (that great big mushroom head with its lip-poppin' rim), I'd like to see Mr. Silver joining his Horniness for Dad Spreads His Rectum 'Round the Rectory.
At any rate... In his recent movies, Mr. Gage seems to be showing less interest in maintaining the tension that has fueled his scenes with sexuality, than he is in increasing the drollery of his scripts. This one contains some breathless lines. At one point, Dad questions his heavy hung son's squirming. "Too big for your britches, huh?" To which the kid replies, "Something like that," and asks if he can undress. Well, duh.
Later, the son gets right to the point with his Uncle, saying, "Dad said you have a big dick." Uncle (played jovially by Josh West) is of course entirely willing to corroborate his brother's claim. And what a flair for dialogue we relish in the succinct and snappy lines like the question, "You wanna suck your dad?" (another, Duh), or the command, "Sperm it, son." My favorite bit of script comes at the very end, when Uncle is laboring to land a load in his son's mouth, and says, "This is the stuff that made ya, kid!"
Yet the deadpan delivery Gage asks of his cast doesn't let the potential oomph of his script enliven the scenes. And boy, they could use some goosing—at least until the sex gets underway. Then things get rockin' and rollin' pretty good. Before then, it's like the guys sing in Porgy and Bess. "It takes a looong pull to get there."
Here are things in the flick you may like. It's generous, with its five scenes filling three full hours. It's a flick for lovers of oral cum shots; as in Gage's Armed Forces Physical, the editing of orgasms has cunningly aggrandized their copiousness and duration. Little cum snacks become burgeoning banquets. It's also a flick for big dick enthusiasts. The sons are stupendously hung; several have double helpings of foreskin.
I like the flip-fucking Silver shares with pert-pronged Mitch Vaughn, whose high spurting orgasm makes Silver laugh in amazement. The three-way for Cage, Silver and son Devin Moss gets pretty salacious; Moss plays a sexual provocateur, but is so constrained during his dialogue you'll think he's a dullard—until he's doin' It, that is, when he smiles and lets out his nasty. And no doubt you'll be glad as I was to see Brendon Cage. When his dick was hanging out of his pants at one point, I was glad to see Silver more intent on the Reverend Cage's son, intoning, "I'm gonna hafta suck that kid." Since I've already staked my claim on Cage's cock, it meant we'd be fine on a double date.
The last scene is an orgy for the entire cast, with the addition of the redoubtable Spike. What a fab cock for the collective fathers to employ as tool for their collective son's instructions in cocksucking. (Uncle: "Bill tells me you've been sucking cock." Nephew: "I could probably use some lessons." After a practice session, father Bill asks his son: "Wanna show me what you've learned?"). The son's asses are then tag teamed by both fathers, the priest, and special guest Spike.
I was impressed by the load that Spike devours near the film's end. But the credit scroll that followed is pretty impressive, too. Like the scroll in Armed Forces Physical, it brings a near Hollywood length crediting to porn. The only thing missing are personal assistants to the director and hairdressers to the stars. Sure, it takes an army to make a movie, but what's funny here is that DragonMedia is perhaps the smallest, low scale movie outfit there is. And the credits name 27 distinct positions, including Boom Boys, Best Boys, Key Grips, Gaffer, Paint Foreman, Script Supervisor, and Special Effects (were those cum shots CGI?). I guess if you can't pay 'em, at least give 'em credit. Hell, I'd work for cum.